The Law of Blame
When we blame others for the things that happen to us, we are mistaken. Most of us don’t believe that for a minute. But it is the truth.
Things happen. Some of them are accidents. Some of them are designed by the Divine to help us learn something about ourselves and others. Some of the are actually designed by us to help us learn something we want to learn. Some are caused by people in the grip of pain, wild emotions, drugs, mental problems or psychological disorders. Some are random acts of cruelty and evil.
What’s important to our spiritual health is not what happens to us but how we react to what happens. The event that happened did hurt us. Our reactions to that event continue to hurt us every day of our lives. This is the Law of Blame: Carrying the weight of blame causes more harm than the things for which we blame others ever did.
We can’t change what happened. We can change our reactions to what happened. We begin to do that through the simple process of understanding why we blame somebody or something else for our pain. We write down a list of what happened and then write down our current understanding of why we blame somebody or something for what happened. We can learn to understand the evil deed they did was not “them” and the evil deed we did was not “us.”
The Law of Blame has eight separate and distinct steps, which are part of the work that needs to be done in order to qualify for membership in the Octagon Society. We do not need to master these steps in a perfect manner to become a member. What we need to do is work through these eight steps to the best of our ability at this time. Healing always follows such an effort. Those steps are:
1. List and understand what you blame your father for doing to you.
2. List and understand what you blame your mother for doing to you.
3. List and understand what you blame your child or children, brother or brothers, sister or sisters, nieces, nephews, and cousins for doing to you.
4. List and understand what you blame your aunts, uncles, grandparents, great uncles, great aunts, and all your ancestors for doing to you.
5. List and understand what you blame your spouse, lovers, friends, fellow students and fellow employees for doing to you.
6. List and understand what you blame your enemies and antagonists for doing to you.
7. List and understand what you blame all other persons whatsoever for doing to you.
8. List and understand what you blame yourself, your mind, body, attitudes, beliefs, intentions, health and actions for doing to you.
1. List and understand what you blame your father for doing to you.
For our purposes the term “father” refers to the male person who contributed most to your childhood. This may be your biological father, a stepfather or other male figure. It may include other men or be a combination of several men. If this is the case, you may want to do this task for each of them.
Your father, whether he is currently dead or alive, is a human being complete with the strengths and weaknesses that human beings have. He is a product of his environment and his heredity, of the family and society in which he grew up, and of his own good and bad choices and experiences. He was and still is imperfect and he made and may still be making many mistakes.
Your father may or may not have loved you. He may or may not have done his best for you. He may or may not have meant well. He was and is a human soul in the midst of the give and take of existence, and the way he behaved toward you was part of his own journey through life. His choices and his mistakes were all products of who he was at the time.
Your task is to sit quietly, become comfortable, take a few deep breaths and write down in your notebook everything you remember you blame your father for. List the things he said and did that make you feel that he was or is to blame.
Make certain your list is as complete as it can be for now. This may take you several days. Keep writing as long as thoughts and ideas arise and as long as you’re comfortable. Take a break when you need to take a break. The intent of this part of the task is to recall as many details as you can comfortably recall about the things for which you blame your father. Write them all down together with a description of your feelings at the time.
When you’re done, try to understand what mental, emotional, psychological or spiritual forces caused him to act in this way. At this stage you’re not called upon to forgive or even to accept what happened, just to make an effort to understand it. You don’t even have to let go of the blame. Be aware of it, and try to understand what caused the events for which you blame your father. When you have gotten as far with this as you can, go to step two.
2. List and understand what you blame your mother for doing to you.
For our purposes the term “mother” refers to the woman who contributed most to your childhood. This may be your biological mother, a stepmother or other female figure. It may include other women or be a combination of several women. If this is the case, you may want to do this task for each of them.
Your mother, whether she is currently dead or alive, is a human being complete with strengths and weaknesses. She is a product of her environment and her heredity, of the family and society in which she grew up, and of her own good and bad choices and experiences. She was and still is imperfect and she made and may still be making many mistakes.
Your mother may or may not have loved you. She may or may not have done her best for you. She may or may not have meant well. She was and is a human soul in the midst of the give and take of existence, and the way she behaved toward you was part of her own journey through life. Her choices and her mistakes were all products of who she was at the time.
Your task is to sit quietly, become comfortable, take a few deep breaths, and write down in your notebook everything you remember you blame your mother for. List the things she said and did that make you feel that she was or is to blame.
Make certain your list is as complete as it can be for now. This may take you several days. Keep writing as long as thoughts and ideas arise and as long as you’re comfortable. Take a break when you need to take a break. The intent of this part of the task is to recall as many details as you can comfortably recall about the things for which you blame your mother. Write them all down together with a description of your feelings at the time.
When you’re done, try to understand what mental, emotional, psychological or spiritual forces caused her to act in this way. At this stage you’re not called upon to forgive or even to accept what happened, just to make an effort to understand it. You don’t even have to let go of the blame. Be aware of it, and try to understand what caused the events for which you blame your mother. When you have gotten as far with this as you can, go to step three.
3. List and understand what you blame your children, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, and cousins for doing to you.
Use the same technique you used for your mother and father and consider as many of these people as possible. Write down everything for which you blame them, in as much detail as seems helpful, and then try to understand what caused those things. When finished, go to step four.
4. List and understand what you blame your aunts, uncles, grandparents, great uncles, great aunts, and all your other ancestors for doing to you.
Use the same technique you used for your mother and father and consider as many of these people as possible. Write down everything for which you blame them, in as much detail as seems helpful, and then try to understand what caused those things. When finished, go to step five.
5. List and understand what you blame your spouse, lovers, friends, fellow students and fellow employees for doing to you.
Use the same technique you used for your mother and father and consider as many of these people as possible. Write down everything for which you blame them, in as much detail as seems helpful, and then try to understand what caused those things. When finished, go to step six.
6: List and understand what you blame your enemies and antagonists for doing to you.
Use the same technique you used for your mother and father and consider as many of these people as possible. Write down everything for which you blame them, in as much detail as seems helpful, and then try to understand what caused those things. When finished, go to step seven.
7. List and understand what you blame all other persons whatsoever for doing to you.
Use the same technique you used for your mother and father and consider as many of these people as possible. Write down everything for which you blame them, in as much detail as seems helpful, and then try to understand what caused those things. When finished, go to step eight.
8. List and understand what you blame yourself, your mind, body, attitudes, beliefs, intentions, health and actions for doing to you.
We’ve intentionally saved the most difficult task for last. By the time you reach this stage you know what to do. Do it, and work through all the reasons you blame yourself.
You are, after all, a human being complete with strengths and weaknesses. You are a product of your environment and your heredity, of the family and society in which you grew up, and of your own good and bad choices and experiences. You were and still are imperfect and you have made and may still be making many mistakes.
In the events you are recalling, you may or may not have acted out of love. You may or may not have done your best. You may or may not have meant well. You were and are a human soul in the midst of the give and take of existence, and the way you behaved was part of your journey through life. Your choices and your mistakes were all products of who you were at the time.
When you’re done, try to understand what mental, emotional, psychological or spiritual forces caused you to act in this way. At this stage you’re not called upon to forgive or even to accept what happened, just to make an effort to understand it. You don’t even have to let go of the blame. Be aware of it, and try to understand what caused the events for which you blame yourself. When you have gotten as far with this as you can, you have finished the work of this preliminary lesson.
Having gone through this process for others makes it easier for us to go through it for ourselves. “Easier” is not the same thing as easy! But go through it we must if we really intend to become the person we want to become. Go through it we must if we wish to advance spiritually in this lifetime. Go through it we must to continue our advancement in the Octagon Society.
Take at least eight sessions to finish this work, and add as many more as you find helpful. For most people, between one and two weeks is a good amount of time to spend on this stage of the work. There are no prizes for hurrying. Take it a little at a time, step by step, and you’ll accomplish the work that will begin transmuting your life.